Over the years, I have met with men and women seeking, in contemplation, or in the midst of a divorce. One thing is always true. Women are better at communicating with their spouse about wanting a divorce. Men are far less skilled or tactful about approaching the issue with their wives. Rather, they hide, avoid, or otherwise act passive-aggresive. Wives initially just think their husband is being a jerk, until they’re blindsided with the process or finding about his new girlfriend. So, how can women tell the difference from the jerky husband from the one that’s about the walk? Here are the top signs:
1. “Machine gun” ATM withdrawals. You’ll notice many, repetitive ATM withdrawals. Less skilled men, will withdraw the same amount, like $100 or $200 every day. More skilled men (having a better divorce lawyer), will vary the amount. The goal is to stash away cash for the soon to be filed divorce. (or he’s bleeding out – cleaning out the accounts). Also, you may have noticed that the bank statements don’t come to the house anymore (to further hide the withdrawals).
2. Missing money from paychecks. You’ll start to notice that all of his net pay doesn’t make the account. Many spouses will start to direct part of their paycheck into another account that you don’t know exists. Simply check his pay-stub, and make sure all of his net pay matches up with the deposits into your joint account. If they don’t match, something’s up.
3. Checks are being written to unknown people or businesses. Much like the ATM withdraws, this is another top way to bleed out an account. Your husband will write checks out to friends, friends of friends, or companies that friends own. The friend then just hands your spouse the cash.
4. Keeping you away from his cell phone. To best keep you away from knowing what is going on in their lives, husbands nearly always lock up their cell phone (or change the passcode) so that you cannot have access. Some men will go so far as to sleep with their phone, so that you can’t attempt to gain access while they sleep. If you see this evasive behavior – a divorce is likely eminent.
5. Large loans. In order to devalue a 401(k) or other accounts, spouses contemplating a divorce will borrow against the account. These loans are usually not too large, and usually fly under the radar at about $5,000 – $20,000. The money is stashed away, and used for litigation costs, or to pay back the loan, after the divorce is complete.
6. Double car payments, or other duplicative bills. If you’re noticing that two payments are going to Ford Credit (or other lender) for a car, or insurance payments have gone up, considerably, these are prime signs of a paramour in the mix. Many men try to hide expenditures for a new girlfriend by using the same companies that they used during the marriage. They will then tell their spouse that they want to pay down their loan faster. When in reality, they are simply paying for another vehicle.
7. Acting jerky beyond belief. Men have a hard time telling their wives that they want a divorce. So, they do the stupid male thing and act in a way that forces their wife to file for a divorce. There’s no secret that women typically file for a divorce, while men typically wait for it to happen. Men expedite the divorce case by making life so miserable for their wives, that filing is the only option for women to stop the insanity at the home.
8. Your husband wants a trial seperation. Unless you’re clueless, this means that he has a girlfriend.
9. He’s become super-dad. If your husband’s interest in the children, their school, and activities has dramatically increased, be very afraid. This is not only a sign of an eminent divorce, but a likely custody battle. You’ll notice more stay-at-home work days, and better attendance at doctor’s visits and school functions where he can talk to teachers and faculty.
10. He tells you that he wants a divorce. Don’t just think this is a threat. Remember, guys have a hard time telling their spouse they want a divorce. So, if your guy says he wants a divorce, he’s dead serious. He’s likely not going to change his mind, but will go along with staying married for a while to better prepare for the inevitable. (See other signs above).
Hope this information helps. If you have other divorce questions, there are free articles about the process on my website at http://www.divorceinfosite.com. Or, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.