Are swords plastic and shields foam in a divorce

A few people reached out to me from yesterday’s blog about my aggressive lawyer comment.   I’m thinking that it’s this issue that evokes fear in most when entering a divorce.  My personal experience is that when a divorce case starts, both spouses seem to sprint to the first divorce lawyer they can find, and hire that lawyer without interviewing others.  Mistake.

It’s a fear based mechanism, and to this day, I am trying to untangle what causes this response.  I think largely, its the fault of laws in the 60’s and 70’s that rewarded the aggressive lawyer – which didn’t change until 1984.  The problem of course is that while the law changed, many lawyers did not.  But, there’s good news.

Aggressive lawyers are no more and no less effective than those lawyers that are timid.  I’ve been called aggressive, but I’m finding that my approach doesn’t get the client anything better, its just that they think so.  It’s almost like they want to see the warrior, but have no issue that the swords are plastic and the shields are foam.

In fact, the super aggressive lawyers (almost in a theatrical sense), are completely non-effective (if, that’s a word).  They have personality disorders (usually), and they are not perceived as aggressive by other lawyers and judges, but rather seen as having abrasive personalities.  And guess what, if your lawyer doesn’t get along with him or her, neither does the judge.

All said, there are ways to deal with the aggressive lawyer that, believe it or not, have nothing to do with the law.  (more on that tomorrow).  As you read on,you’ll soon find that this fear you have is the equivalent of fearing the boogie man under the bed.


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